Over the vacation season, we’re republishing a number of the finest articles from Nintendo Life writers and contributors from 2025. This text was initially printed in October. Take pleasure in!
Within the journal enterprise, the again web page is the place you’d discover all of the bizarre goofs that we could not slot in anyplace else. Some could name it “filler”; we choose “an entire web page to make horrible jokes which can be tangentially associated to the content material of the magazine”.
We do not have pages on the web, however we nonetheless love horrible jokes — so welcome to our semi-regular characteristic, Again Web page.
Right this moment, Kate is confessing to against the law. However let’s be completely, legally clear right here, simply in case: this can be a joke, and Kate just isn’t, in reality, the Louvre thief. Hopefully that is clear.
Okay, so, look, I wasn’t attempting to do a heist. That is all an enormous misunderstanding.
See, the Louvre is usually recognized for its work, statues, stealing artwork from different nations, and being arduous to pronounce for anybody who would not have a French tongue. (Loov. Looooov-ruh. Loovuhrrr. Loovurhrh. By no means thoughts.) Additionally, that one actually well-known, wildly underwhelming image of the woman with the mystic smile.
However that is not what I care about relating to the Louvre. The Parisian pyramid is the one museum on this planet that used 3DSes as their audio guides, and I’ve by no means had the possibility to strive them! After which, tragically, when the museum discontinued them earlier this yr, I assumed to myself, ‘Effectively, what are they going to do with all these 3DSes? Put them into the archive, like all of the rejected work that do not draw a sufficiently big crowd? I will not stand for it.’
So, I went to go to the museum. Only a regular go to, you perceive! And sure, I went in by a first-floor window by way of a ladder, however that wasn’t as a result of I used to be planning to steal issues! I simply wished to beat the crowds. And keep away from the entry price. I imply, €25 to stroll very slowly by a crowd taking selfies with the Mona Lisa? That is the true theft right here.
€25 to stroll very slowly by a crowd taking selfies with the Mona Lisa? That is the true theft right here.
It was absolutely my intention to stroll over to the data desk, politely ask concerning the 3DSes, and whether or not a caring patron of the humanities comparable to myself might make a donation to the museum as a way to take one residence, after which as soon as they’d handed me an enormous field of 3DSes, I would depart down my particular museum ladder.
However as soon as I used to be in, nicely, the crown jewels have been simply sitting there. I assumed to myself, ‘You should buy a lot of 3DSes with crown jewels cash. Perhaps you might even afford a single secondhand copy of Pokémon HeartGold and SoulSilver from CeX!’
In addition to, I had a really capacious tote bag with me.
It wasn’t till I used to be slowly trundling down the ladder again to the streets of Paris that I even realised that I would completed a heist, or that no sane particular person on eBay goes to purchase clearly stolen crown jewels.
So, right here I’m, with no 3DSes and too many crown jewels, and folks hold writing articles about how cool I’m, even though crown jewels cannot play Resort Nightfall or Child Icarus: Rebellion.
Look, I wrote up a comparability:
| 3DS | Crown Jewels |
|---|---|
| ✅ Is available in many colors | ❌ Is available in manufacturing facility colors solely |
| ✅ Take it anyplace | ❌ Can solely be taken to state events or possibly a elaborate occasion |
| ✅ Customisable residence menu themes | ❌ No residence menu themes |
| ✅ StreetPass! | ❌ No StreetPass |
| ✅ Playable in 2D and 3D | ❌ No 2D possibility |
| ✅ Can play cult basic Zero Escape: Advantage’s Final Reward | ❌ Can’t play cult basic Zero Escape: Advantage’s Final Reward |
As you may see, the plain winner is the 3DS. It is not even shut. And positive, the Crown Jewels make for some very good hats, however I do not even need hats. I wish to play Pullblox, on a commuter practice, with the choice to make my eyes really feel like they’re being peeled from the within!
Crown Jewels do not even have expandable SD card storage, so even when I wished to take them to fancy events or state events, I would need to deliver a separate exterior arduous drive with me for all my video games. Who needs to deliver an exterior arduous drive to a masquerade ball, or the coronation of the brand new monarch? Not me. It’s totally retro.
However all just isn’t misplaced. I’ve, in reality, began to soften down a few the items, as a result of I’ve an incredible concept. I could not have a Louvre 3DS, however I do have a regular 3DS, and it is one of many ‘New’ ones with swappable faceplates. I’ve had mine protected by an understated Triforce-pattern plate for a protracted, very long time, so I feel I’ve earned somewhat glitz and glamour, have not I?
It seems that gluing 10-carat emeralds to a little bit of plastic is a little troublesome, however it’s value it. I really feel like a queen, if queens knew what autostereoscopic handheld online game consoles have been. It does make the factor bloody heavy, although.
Oh, and hopefully it goes with out saying, however please do not inform anybody that I did the heist, okay? I actually, actually do not wish to go to French jail. Or any sort of jail, actually. I do not assume they allow you to hold your 3DSes once you’re incarcerated. Thanks.
